MACHINE MONDAYS: I Like My White Bread Toasted!


So it’s official… Jay went to Samm Levine who, quicker than you can say white bread, agreed to set up a match between Mike Kalinowski and The Machine.

Some of you may know the history between us that’s been building to this, but some may not so I thought it might be interesting to discuss the background of how this rivalry started and why a match between Mikey and myself was a long time coming for me.

When I really got into the schmoedown, Miss Movies and The Missfits were my jam. Jay handling the mic for them like a champ and Brianne and Stacy were embracing the theatrics with some of the best fun and creative entrances, on top of really being a solid team in the league. Then here comes Mike. Flashing that smile, thumbs upping like the Fonz, dressed up like a superhero for the crowd. Trying to play the nice guy but still being smug about it. I guess confident and cocky have some of the same letters so it can be confusing. He was supposed to be the nice guy but I just wasn’t getting that vibe.

When I saw him my brain went back to the text book definition of White-Bread: Bland, Conventional; and there it was…. Smiling to the crowd then trash talking behind the scenes. Like sure, faces are allowed to get in on the sh*t talk but that’s where dude lost me, playing the nice guy, then being heel on the socials and talking more crap than any real heel in the league. So as a fan I would talk up my girls and here would come Kalinowski to run his mouth and that’s how it started up.

Small at first with some slights and me officially dubbing him Sir White-Bread whenever he’d make an obnoxious remark. The Missfits added the Vanilla part with their “Burn Book,” referring to him as the prom king of Vanilla High. Not too long after that, he broke up my favorite team and I soon got announced as a competitor. Stacy and Brianne were dynamic together and now it was over all because of a wannabe Batman. Brianne made her choice. One of the first symbols of females making a stamp on the league was done and he was the reason. 

He won, but of course that wasn’t enough. A month before I was set to make my debut with Jay as my manager, Mike comes after him. Calling Jay thirsty blah blah. He’s won, he beat Brianne then broke up her team, that wasn’t enough? So like a good and LOYAL competitor, I stood up for my manager and I responded. A colorful back and forth brewed up and so it began. I entered the league, I got some wins and suffered some defeats but I consistently improved, I always fought to the finish.

More online battles ensued with Mikey as he turns my Andreyko match into a 3 way match against my own squad mate, sics his minion on me in NY and as stale as a slice of bread, he uses old tricks to break up yet another of Jay’s crews and takes Stacy from us. But the Machine keeps on running and makes it to a lucky number 13 ranking… right under Mike Kalinowski.

So yeah, the dude is bad news in my Schmoedown world and it’s on. Don’t get it twisted, I’m not sleeping on Mike. I know he’s good; And if he beats me he’ll be insufferable because he’s just that predictable: Stale and Bland.

The odds are against me, pretty sure there’s some stupid poll out there that shows the fandom is against me too and that’s ok. I’m just gonna do my best because that’s all I can do and that’s all I’ve ever done. KO And KOrruption are the bullies on the Schmoedown playground and this underdog is gonna do her damndest to end their reign or at the very least shut up the King Vanilla High. #ILikeMyWhiteBreadToasted

– The Machine


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