SCHMOEDOWN WEEKLY: Belts Trashed, Commissioners Clashed, Suspensions Smashed!


What’s going on, Schmoedown fans! Welcome back to Schmoedown Weekly, a column where I recap the week in Schmoedown news and discuss possible future storylines. This week was a particularly big one in terms of news, so let’s dive right in.

Roxy Faces the (Roxy) Music!

Hard to believe this happened at the beginning of the week, isn’t it? It feels like it was so long ago. Nevertheless, we all knew that some kind of punishment was going to befall Roxy Striar after she slapped Ben Bateman live in Chicago. On Monday’s episode of Collider Live Kristian announced that Roxy would be suspended from managing one of her competitors, Jeff Sneider, for his upcoming match against Bateman’s teammate Mark Reilly.

Kristian went on to say that the Sneider/Reilly singles would include another stipulation: if Sneider loses the match against Reilly, then Roxy will also be banned from managing the team in their upcoming title match against the Shirewolves.

That could be a potentially dangerous setback for The Odd Couple. Sneider and Andreyko are fantastic players, but their styles are very different, and they might need someone like Roxy to help keep them in check. We’ve seen the team succeed without her there but a title match against two of the best players in the league may be a situation where a manager comes in handy.

Speaking of managers…


Though the phrase was created by Robert Meyer Burnett, there’s been one person in the Schmoedown echoing it lately: Kaiser, manager to Kevin “The Smasher” Smets. After his first win in the Innergeekdom league, Smets and his manager claimed that they wanted the former Innergeekdom champion, to which the teams/Innergeekdom commissioner, Emma Fyffe, told them they needed to win another match.

Jay Washington stepped up to face The Smasher, but was defeated via TKO. His record now 2-0 with two knockouts, Smets and Kaiser figured it was finally time they face Navarro. Although the match was confirmed two weeks ago, an official date had not been set for its release. However, last week it was confirmed that the match between the two would be released on May 10th. So mark your calendars, people, because this is going to be a match to remember!

The Fans Have Spoken!!!

The Chairman of the league, Kristian Harloff, has always been one to listen to the fans. Not all of the time, but when he gets a suggestion he likes, or hears about a potential he could start up, or notices an overwhelming majority of people thinking of something, he will listen. And this week brought us two interesting developments.

The first was a poll put up last Saturday, where he told the fans in the Facebook group that they would be deciding the Patreon exhibition matches for the rest of the season. He asked people to choose their favorite options out of the ones on the poll, and the fans delivered the data he needed. The three highest-voted options were a Harry Potter match, Disney/Pixar match, and Lord of the Rings battle, so it’s likely we’ll be seeing those matches in the near future.

Live from New York…!

The second new development was that Kristian started to tease the return of Schmoedown NY. He started out innocently enough last Thursday by putting up a poll asking if the Schmoedown came back to NY, would people go? Obviously the answers came out with a “yes” majority, and the next day, he confirmed it by saying that New York was going to have “a chance to beat Chicago’s record of tickets gone in a day. We’re coming back to NY in August!”. The first New York Live Event sold out in three days, so it will be interesting to see how quickly this one sells out.

Founding Fathers vs. Mildberries!

And now we get to this week’s matches, and it was an interesting week: typically we see one singles match per week and one teams or Innergeekdom match per week. This week, however, we were treated to two teams matches. The first was the super-team of John Rocha and the current singles champ Dan Murrell, the Founding Fathers, going up against the… Mildberries?

It appeared as though Eliot “The Mountain” Dewberry and “The Wildman” (or “Mildman”) Josh Macuga had turned over a new leaf. Instead of their usual crazy antics and drinking, the Mildberries entered the Schmoedown arena pleasantly, blazers on, and each with a glass of wine. It would appear they thought the mildness may help with going up against a team like the Founding Fathers.

Unfortunately for the Mildberries, it did not go that way. Going into the third round, they were down by 5 points, and couldn’t take it anymore. They revealed to everyone that they were still the Wildberries, and they went crazy, drinking whisky, high-fiving everyone in the crowd, it turned out that Eliot had a Wildberries shirt on underneath his dress shirt the whole time.

However, during the insanity, Macuga did something that… well, I’ll talk about it in just a second.

Evil Geniuses vs. Superhero News!!!

The second match of the week saw the return of The Evil Geniuses. “The Professor” Lon Harris, and “Little Evil” JTE were a heavy favorite going into last year’s Anarchy tournament, but tragedy struck the team, and forced JTE to be out for the rest of the season. Lon brought in his brother Jonathan, and the two continued on through the Anarchy tournament, eventually coming to a loss against Who’s the Boss in the finals of the team tournament. The team then lost again to Critically Acclaimed in another #1 contender match.

At this point, JTE couldn’t take it anymore. He challenged Jonathan Harris to a singles match to determine who Lon’s new partner would be. JTE won the match, and Jonathan became the team’s new manager, much to the chagrin of Little Evil.

With their record now reset to 1-0 with one knockout, the Evil Geniuses faced off against Sean Gerber and Sabina Graves, the team also known as Superhero News. The Geniuses won the match, and backstage, Superhero News decided that the best thing for them to do was to go their separate ways, in the most amicable breakup of a team we’ve ever seen in the Schmoedown. No big fight, no yelling; just two friends realizing they weren’t a good fit as a team.

The MCU Patreon Match

I’m not going to talk about this match much. Partly because there are some people who aren’t patrons, and partly because there are some patrons for whom this match hasn’t been released yet. But it’s out there, and it will be available to all Patrons very soon.

Clash of the Commissioners!

It’s no surprise to anybody that Emma Fyffe has been working her butt of as the commissioner of the teams and Innergeekdom divisions. However, there is one division that she does not have control over: singles. That honor belongs to the first ever double champion, the former teams and singles champ and arguably greatest player of all time, “The Inglourious One” Samm Levine.

However, in a post-credits scene during Thursday’s match, it seemed like everything wasn’t so handy-dandy between the two commissioners. Emma confronted Samm because she didn’t feel like he was doing enough work for his league. Samm responded that he had been watching… most of the matches, and that he was figuring out lunches for people. Emma walked off annoyed as Samm called after her, “okay, I’m thinking Wood Ranch.” (Editor’s Note: That was in-joke. They ALWAYS get Wood Ranch.)

I think this could possibly set up an interesting dynamic between the two commissioners, as one of them fights to get more power while the other tries to hold down his position!

Macuga Faces the (Macuga) Music!

Let’s start and end this edition of Schmoedown Weekly with punishments and stipulations being decided. At the beginning of Friday’s match, we were shown the singles commissioner actually commissioning. See, during his WILDBERRIES! moment, Josh Macuga did something kind of inexcusable in the league: he defaced Dan Murrell’s belt. He threw it on the ground and rubbed it in between his legs.

Obviously, the action deserved consequences, so Samm gave Macuga a stipulation match. Even though he’s currently suspended, he’s going to be playing the new rookie star “Primetime” Paul Oyama. If he wins that match, the suspension is over, but if he loses the match, his suspension is going to last for an extra month.

The conditions seem pretty fair, but then you start to think about it: Roxy slaps Ben in front of 1,000 people, her suspension is one month, possibly looking at two. Macuga does something to a piece of hardware that’s been replaced with a new belt, his suspension is a few days, possibly looking at a month. If Macuga loses his match, and Sneider wins his, Macuga and Roxy’s punishments will be the same length. It might just be me, but I don’t know if they should be considered the same level of offense.

What was your favorite moment of the Schmoedown week? Let me know, and I’ll see you guys next weekend for another Schmoedown Weekly!


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