The recent publication of my Top 10 Schmoedown Quotes article has caused much debate and disagreement, to the point where Kristian Harloff and Ken Napzok even discussed their disagreement with my picks on Inside Schmoedown!
To rectify that, let me loudly proclaim that I’ll now be counting down the top ten reader picks for the best Schmoedown quotes! And then, much more quietly, whisper that the majority of quotes that were left off weren’t ignored, but rather fell foul of my decision to feature one quote per Schmoedown personality, maximum.
However, with a list made up exclusively of quotes suggested in response to my previous article, I have another opportunity to discuss some of the best loved utterances in Schmoe-dom!
Having been beaten by his previous inclusion of the more iconic “Movie Release Dates!”, Mantz again proved popular with fans that wanted to see the inclusion of: “Cameron Diaz? THAT BITCH!” In both cases, they’re unlikely catchphrases, but I guess that’s what Mantz does best, brining his infectious energy to the most unlikely things. And, having been an unfortunate wheelspin for the Mantzman in the past, Cameron Diaz looks likely to remain in his repertoire of exclamations for some time to come.
Speaking of unlikely catchphrases revolving around an actress’ name, who thought that chants of “Meryl Streep! Meryl Streep!” would become the go to phrase for audience participation in the Schmoedown. It doesn’t matter how hard the likes of “Let’s get ready to Schmoedown” are pushed as the phrase associated with the show, XXX
They might be teammates now, but the title match between Dan Murrell and John Rocha remains many people’s favourite Schmoedown match of all time. Back then, Murrell wasn’t considered much of a character guy, and yet his response some of Rocha’s smack talk was frankly brilliant:
Rocha: Danny boy, did you enjoy having the belt for a little while ‘cause it’s time to give it to me.
Murrell: Are you gonna clean it for me and give it back?
For someone that usually likes to just answer questions, Murrell completely beat Rocha at his own game. The only thing that stops this from being the perfect comeback is the fact that, well, Murrell lost the match, and did indeed have to give Rocha the belt.
Matt Knost is one of the funniest competitors to grace the Schmoedown with his presence, and it seems that readers had a preference for one of Knost’s more recent offerings, in which he responded to a barrage of Bateman smack-talk with a simple “Good one.” I can see why fans loved this: for a comedian that thrives on dry humour, this was perhaps Knost’s driest moment (it’s a compliment, I swear!). It’s a withering putdown, and it achieved that rarest of things: it shut Ben Bateman up.
Admittedly, the suggestion for an inclusion for a Kalinowski inclusion came from…well, Kalinowksi, and while the Prince of Anarchy didn’t make my initial list, he had a lot of support for the inclusions offered, of which I’ve picked: “Let me stop you right there.” A perfect encapsulation of the attitude with which Kalinowksi was able to conduct himself during his Anarchy reign, this interruption was usually aimed at a squirming Thadd Williams. Of course, with Harloff back as the Chairman, we wait to see how Kalinowksi’s antics will change heading into Season 6….
Of course, a selection of Finstock/Tom Dagnino/Bobby Gucci quotes could fill a top 10 list all by themselves, but, as with the previous list, I’m limited to just one. This time, I’ve plumped for an old classic. Back in the very first season of the Schmoedown, during the Trial of JTE (newer fans, check it out!), Finstock, acting as JTE’s defence, came up with this absolute howler: “I’m a firm believer in trial and error, and I believe that my client is on trial… it’s in error.” And, amazingly, JTE was acquitted, so I guess Finstock did a good job?
Andrew Ghai had a crazy season last year. From his Murrell fake-out entrance at the Free For All to his surprise title run, Ghai surprised everyone. In his shock victory over Murrell, as he starts to pull ahead and the crowd realise that, not only is Ghai winning, but he’s streaking ahead, a silence falls over the audience. In all of his heelish brilliance, Ghai responds by screaming: “Why are you so damn quiet?” There are some responses in the audience, but Ghai knows they don’t matter. He single handily silenced the entire Schmoedown community that day, and this was his moment to laugh in our faces for writing him off.
Another quote suggested by its originator, I have no qualms putting on William Bibbiani’s highly underrated “Growl Growl.” While lots of people suggested this quote, the reason that I think it might be underrated is because I’m not entirely sure that enough people give Bibbiani enough credit for just how specifically designed his catchphrase is. It allows Bibbs to simultaneously play into the WWE style drama with a catchphrase, and undermine that drama by choosing the most ridiculous, non-aggressive version of an aggressive catch phrase.
For me, it sums up the unique sense of humour that Bibbs brings to the Schmoedown. Maybe he wouldn’t have made the list if he’d stuck with his original character name, since “Sliced Bread” would have had a far less impressive catchphrase: “You got SLICED!”
The most glaring omission on my original list was, of course, John Rocha’s iconic catchphrase, “All the belts, all the records,“ which only missed out because, while it is definitely the more iconic Rocha-ism, it isn’t my favourite. Not just a collection of words, but a motivational tool, a goal for Rocha to strive to achieve, and one that has been copied by numerous competitors, it should go without saying that this is a great Schmoedown quote. It dominated Rocha’s first run to the belt, and encapsulates his fighting spirit, his desire to win, and to get up after any loss. Conceived as part of the run that saw Rocha build his incredible fanbase, the ethos of the phrase endures long after the evolution of the Schmoedown has made the achievement of “all the belts” almost impossible.
By far the most requested quote, I have to confess that this one had slipped my mind. In spite of this, the moment in which Mark Ellis turned to Kristian Harloff, and, before the then-Commissioner could launch into his WWE-style introductions, Ellis slipped in a quick “Gimme that throat, boy.” In five seasons, this remains funniest thing said at the announcers desk. You can catch Mark Ellis performing stand up in Austin, Texas on the 8th March; get your tickets at markellislive.com.
And there we have it! Comment below with any further quotes you think we’ve missed, and you never know, I might use your suggestion in a further update to the list. Here’s to many great quotes in Season 6!